Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Day 10 What Are You Afraid Of

Today is a bit of a harder subject.
What am I afraid of.  Fear.  It's something I am all to familiar with.

If I wrote this post about 8 months ago I would have written a much different post.
My fears have really been brought out and laid bare on the table these last 8 months.

Eight months ago I was dealing with a REALLY bad abdominal pain.  The doctors ran some tests and didn't know what it was.  All signs (in my mind) pointed to cancer.  Well, those signs/thoughts started to consume me.  It got so bad that I let fear take over.  Part of me said "whatever is wrong I am going to fight and beat it."  Another part said "I am going to die and leave me family."

Don't get me wrong I don't fear death, I know I am heaven bound, but I am not "ready" to go.

To make a long story short since I let fear take over, I had many more health problems, which feed that fear.  It was like a spinning top.  I was getting my blood taken every three days at one point.  I have been "worked over", to quote a specialist.  I heard three different types of cancer, heart issues, kidney problems, etc.  At times I was in a great deal of pain.  I even told God "If you're going to take me, just take me."  I was worrying about my worry.

God has become more real to me.  While I am still dealing with some of the affects of it all, I am learning (slowly) to completely trust God.  He has a habit of telling me "Trust Me" in many of my situations.  I'm learning to make it a habit of letting go and trusting Him.  As I let go, the symptoms are going away. 

So in closing, what do I fear...I am learning to not fear, learning to completely give everything to God, learning to trust Him.

"Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving...and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:6,7 

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of a sound mind." 2 Tim. 1:7

3 comments:

Capture.Record.Scrap said...

Wow, this was very inspiring. Thank you for sharing this with us, and I hope that someday soon you will be able to completely over come your fear.

Jenn (jk703) said...

Thank you for sharing this! I understand a little from my own experiences with my husband. I wish you the best and hopefully learning to trust as you wish to!

Shari said...

Life can be so scary sometime can't it. I'm glad you are able to work through your fears. They can become all consuming when we let them rule our lives. Hope you are feeling better too. :)